Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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