This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
