And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
