My nipple is on Facebook.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
