I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
