We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
