dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
