I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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