plz talk dirty to me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
