I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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