I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
