Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
