Apparently you make a good broom.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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