It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
