I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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