I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
