Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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