The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
