I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
