Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I want a musical about memes.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
