I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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