he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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