Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
