Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
