I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
