is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
