get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
