Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
