Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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