There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
