Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
