trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
