So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
