as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
