i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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