guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
