i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
