Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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