did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize