Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
