so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
