I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
