i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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