I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
