Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
do herpes really smell.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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