yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
