WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
