Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
