Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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