We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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