This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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