dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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