Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
