I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
