covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
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i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
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perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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