my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
