he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
