Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
