Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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