We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
