Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
