About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
this just has baby written all over it
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
