I hope mine doesn't look like that
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
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I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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