I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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