There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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