So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
