Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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