i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
