i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
