You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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