This is not my ceiling
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
