you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
