I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
